Wake Surfing - Facing a fear

I was torn on whether or not to put wake surfing in my ‘fears to face’ category or my ‘things to try’ category of my 100 Things Project.

Before this past weekend, it wasn’t on either.

I went to Texas for the 4th of July to stay with my friends Tommy & Whitney, then we drove down to meet Denton and his family at the lake….. Not that this is surprising, but my brain hadn’t really thought about what we would do on the lake, nor had I thought about the fact that I really am clueless when it comes to water sports. I guess I kind of figured we would just drink on a boat, I really don’t know what my brain thought. Since I really haven’t spent any time on the lake, I ended up putting wake surfing as a fear, and let me explain.

First off, like I mentioned I have not been on a boat very much, and when I have been, it was fishing, which I have no fear of. You know what I do have a fear of? Drowning. Growing up my mom told me something like, “You can drown in a tablespoon of water!”…. and my brain being the sponge it is, hears that voice with those words every time I get in water I can’t touch the bottom in. I also was one of those kids that failed swimming lessons because they belly flopped instead of dove. I want to be good at swimming and comfortable in open waters, but I am just not there yet in life. (LOL) It’s somewhat embarrassing to say, but really it’s just the truth. I know tons of people that are so good in the water and have been wake surfing since they were 5 years old, but this is my journey.

I find it so important to face fears and try new things, being why I even agreed to attempt wake surfing.

Truthfully, if I could’ve turned my brain off, I’m sure I would’ve been much better off. I, however, could NOT get out of my head which happens to me more than I’d like to admit. I am a recovering perfectionist, and still at times that perfectionism creeps in and so does the fear of failing. In this case that means, not being able to wake surf, or panicking (oh wait I did both). I am someone who has to settle into fear to face it. For example, when I competed in pageants I had to stand on the stage we would compete on and visualize exactly what I wanted to happen, then go make it happen. I probably should’ve tried that with wake surfing, but my brain was too far gone.

My friend Denton who knows me and my panicking better than almost anyone, knew I was on the struggle bus right from the beginning. He jumped in the water to try and show me/calm me down so that I could at least try. After 30 minutes of arguing, laughing, shit talking, and I’m sure he wanted to drown me a little, I was finally able to try….. And might I add I was terrible and didn’t get up once….. Just call me the wipe out queen.

The important thing here is that I tried, and I’ll try again. The discomfort of the situation reminded me of how I need to experience discomfort every day. I sometimes forget that discomfort plus the discipline to stay in discomfort makes real changes in life….. Sure wake surfing probably isn’t going to change my life, but it is important to try new things and lean into discomfort whether it’s mentally, physically, or emotionally.

I hope you’re facing a fear this summer or trying something outside of your comfort zone.

XO,

Madison